Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Life Quotes

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.