I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one...

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one...