I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?