My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Teacher Quotes

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Stop lookin at what you ain't got and start being thankful for what you do...

Stop lookin at what you ain't got and start being thankful for what you do...

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your peace that rules my heart. I choose Your peace...

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your peace that rules my heart. I choose Your peace...

The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that is laughable is...

The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that is laughable is...