Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

Failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day.

Failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day.

In all education the main cause of failure is staleness.

In all education the main cause of failure is staleness.

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a...

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a...

Success is what you do with your ability. It's how you use your talent.

Success is what you do with your ability. It's how you use your talent.