I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Chess Quotes, Funny Quotes

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

80% of success is showing up.

80% of success is showing up.

Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action.

Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action.

The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the...

The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the...

Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get

Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get