I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Chess Quotes, Funny Quotes

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

80% of success is showing up.

80% of success is showing up.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have...

Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have...

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on...

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on...

Though the clown is often deadpan, he is a connoisseur of laughter.

Though the clown is often deadpan, he is a connoisseur of laughter.