It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better . . . while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sleep Quotes

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

Sex relieves tension - love causes it.

Sex relieves tension - love causes it.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...