It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better . . . while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sleep Quotes

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

I am two with nature.

I am two with nature.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety...

But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety...

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.