Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.