I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

Business is a combination of war and sport.

Business is a combination of war and sport.

The United States brags about its political system, but the President says one thing during...

The United States brags about its political system, but the President says one thing during...

The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law.

The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law.