I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.

Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.

Forward, as occasion offers. Never look round to see whether any shall note it... Be...

Forward, as occasion offers. Never look round to see whether any shall note it... Be...