The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Quote by Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies...
City employees will be hired and promoted because of their abilities - without outside interference.
It might be said that it is the ideal of the employer to have production...