There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...