Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'