Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Quote by Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...
At one point he decided enough was enough.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
So, do you live around here often?
How young can you die of old age?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.