Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Quote by Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...
Hermits have no peer pressure.
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy...
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not...