If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Funny Quotes, Morning Quotes

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier...

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier...

Certainly the best works, and of greatest merit for the public, have proceeded from the...

Certainly the best works, and of greatest merit for the public, have proceeded from the...