If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Quote by Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...
You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...