If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Funny Quotes, Morning Quotes

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

Take my wife... Please!

Take my wife... Please!

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.