This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.