This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.