This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...