I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Quote by Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman Quotes
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Take my wife... Please!
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...
A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.