I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Quote by Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman Quotes
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
Take my wife... Please!
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...