While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Quote by Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman Quotes
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.
Baseball is like church. Many attend, few understand.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...