My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...