If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.