Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Marrying an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture.

Marrying an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture.

A bachelor has to have inspiration for making love to a woman, a married man...

A bachelor has to have inspiration for making love to a woman, a married man...

Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of...

Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of...