Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...