Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.