When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.