When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Whenever she sued for breach of promise she was calm...and collected.

Whenever she sued for breach of promise she was calm...and collected.

Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, but she ain't messin' wit no broke...

Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, but she ain't messin' wit no broke...

She measures a man's love by the carat.

She measures a man's love by the carat.