I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.