I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.