I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Bachelors Quotes

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...