I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Bachelors Quotes

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Take my wife... Please!

Take my wife... Please!

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.