If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Quote by Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman Quotes
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.