If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...