This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

Take my wife... Please!

Take my wife... Please!

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...