This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

Take my wife... Please!

Take my wife... Please!

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...