This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...