My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
Quote by Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman Quotes
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...
Take my wife... Please!
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...