A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

Take my wife... Please!

Take my wife... Please!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...