Take my wife... Please!

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...