Take my wife... Please!

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.