Take my wife... Please!

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

Lori was part of our family, ... She was there for all of my graduations....

Lori was part of our family, ... She was there for all of my graduations....

The military is a close-knit community and the loss of a brother in arms cuts...

The military is a close-knit community and the loss of a brother in arms cuts...