I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.