And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Parents Quotes

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.