And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Parents Quotes

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

I am two with nature.

I am two with nature.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

In my mind, I've always been an A-list Hollywood superstar. Y'all just didn't know yet.

In my mind, I've always been an A-list Hollywood superstar. Y'all just didn't know yet.