And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Parents Quotes

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

80% of success is showing up.

80% of success is showing up.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

I am two with nature.

I am two with nature.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Nothing in man is more serious than his sense of humor; it is the sign...

Nothing in man is more serious than his sense of humor; it is the sign...

A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on...

A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on...