Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Quote by Woody Allen
Woody Allen Quotes
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let you go,...
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.
I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from...
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Now I lay me down to take my sleep, I pray the Lord my soul...