The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
Quote by Woody Allen
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...
I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
80% of success is showing up.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...
Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at...
Yes, I have breasts. So does 50% of the population. Do we really have to...