If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...