If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!