If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
Quote by Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
At one point he decided enough was enough.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...
How young can you die of old age?
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'