Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth...

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth...

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.