I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much time.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Bankers And Banks Quotes

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...