I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much time.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Bankers And Banks Quotes

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?