As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, God Quotes

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose...

The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose...

When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in...

When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in...

If someone were to prove to me - right this minute - that God, in...

If someone were to prove to me - right this minute - that God, in...