No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Best Friend Quotes, Funny Quotes

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...