I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Blood's not thicker than money.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money...

Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money...

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

So I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said...

So I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said...

Babies are such a nice way to start people

Babies are such a nice way to start people

While he was talking at Baylor University, President Bush said, Times are kind of tough....

While he was talking at Baylor University, President Bush said, Times are kind of tough....