A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.