Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Best Friends Quotes, Funny Quotes

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...