The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Love Quotes

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

An extra-terrestrial philosopher, who had watched a single youth up to the age of twenty-one...

An extra-terrestrial philosopher, who had watched a single youth up to the age of twenty-one...

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out...

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out...

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal...

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal...