The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes, Morning Quotes

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.