I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.