I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Achievement Quotes, Funny Quotes, Immortality Quotes

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?