I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
Quote by Woody Allen
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Marriage is the death of hope.
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.