The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
Quote by Woody Allen
Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...
80% of success is showing up.
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...
She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But...
Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.