The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...