The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

There are very honest people who do not think that they have had a bargain...

There are very honest people who do not think that they have had a bargain...

One must not cheat anybody, not even the world of one's triumph.

One must not cheat anybody, not even the world of one's triumph.

I just think it's important to be direct and honest with people about why you're...

I just think it's important to be direct and honest with people about why you're...