I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, God Quotes

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

When you're stressed; You eat Ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled...

When you're stressed; You eat Ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled...

How can one conceive of a one-party system in a country that has over two...

How can one conceive of a one-party system in a country that has over two...