The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Children Quotes, Funny Quotes

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...