I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Criticism of government finds sanctuary in several portions of the 1st Amendment. It is part...

Criticism of government finds sanctuary in several portions of the 1st Amendment. It is part...

Newsmen believe that news is a tacitly acknowledged fourth branch of the federal system. This...

Newsmen believe that news is a tacitly acknowledged fourth branch of the federal system. This...