There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Ghetto Quotes, Money Quotes

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...